


memories.

by one (keiigiri)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Accidents, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Minor Violence, Photography, through night and day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27365089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keiigiri/pseuds/one
Summary: where hinata, a volleyball player in training, and atsumu, a photographer, meet in a sunny day in brazil, and atsumu proposes to make memories with hinata.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu
Comments: 5
Kudos: 42
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	memories.

**Author's Note:**

> i didnt proof read this but follow me on twitter yall its @gojovid19 mwah

underneath the blazing sky of brazil, in a weather where it's almost impossible to enjoy, hinata shouyou perfectly receives the ball that flew towards his direction, his cap almost flying along with the volleyball but thankfully deciding to land on top of his head once more instead. from the distance, he could hear a camera's loud click that would have caught his attention if he wasn't prioritizing his team's victory, but he'd ask about it for later.

the ball lands on the opponent's court, and a cheer is resonated from the audience, making the orange haired man throw his fist up in the air, for another victory was given to him today. greetings of 'good game!' reached his ears and both his teammates and oponents huddled up for a group hug despite their skin glistening with sweat, happy sounds making their way out to congratulate each other for the friendly match.

hinata walked to the benches where his stuff mixed with other's belongings lay, and he grabs his water bottle to quench his thirst, fanning his muscle shirt to freshen himself up a little.

"hey, you were great back there."

the orange haired male whips his head to the direction of the voice that spoke, the accent the speaker spoke in so familiar.

"are you japanese?" hinata asks the platinum blonde haired male in front of him, his hand on his hip while the other one on his side held his water bottle. he was tall, and his body was built well, like an athlete's. he was wearing a black tank top, with some board shorts and black sandals. he was wearing a cap too, and if hinata didnt know better, he didn't look japanese. but of course, spotting someone of his own race became easier considering he was surrounded by people of different ethnicities here in brazil. but he still wanted to make sure.

the taller male chuckled and nodded, now speaking in his thick, kansai dialect that hinata immediately noticed. it sounded.. cute.

"it's great to finally meet a fellow japanese person! i haven't spoken to anyone in ages." he laughs heartily, his hand reaching out for a handshake to the orange haired male. "the name's atsumu miya, nice to meet'cha!" his tone is full and relaxed, yet still polite. his smile didn't falter, and hinata grabbed the other's hand to grip it firmly, shaking it as a sign to say that they were now friends. 

"shouyou hinata, nice to meet you!"

༒︎

the topics the two men tackled on were limitless– from their stay here in brazil, to what they would do when they felt homesick, to their reasons for the travel, or just general topics of what they enjoyed doing and what they wanted to try. hinata learned that atsumu was actually in a volleyball club back in highschool too, but couldn't play in the nationals due to an accident he got into, and had been travelling around europe as a photographer after he graduated. apparently, atsumu told him that brazil was his last stop before he went back to japan, but he wanted to savour his last moment of freedom before he comes back home.

"what made you decide to take photography, atsumu-san?" hinata asked with his face filled with curiosity, taking a gulp of water from his bottle. atsumu's grip on the camera on his hand tightened, and he smiled towards the other male, quickly explaining so the story wouldn't clog much of their time.

"i just wanna make some memories, that's all. my highschool's volleyball team's slogan was 'who needs memories?' but i honestly think that memories should be held close to us. once the memories become a blur, you'd wish to go back and relive the moment once more. dont you think so too, hinata-san?"

hinata was left speechless. now that he thought about it.. he didnt want to lose such precious memories. from the time he saw the little giant fly, to when he met his partner, all the way to growing in both the sport and his overall character. if he didnt have such memories, he wouldn't be here right now. and with a sigh that isn't tired, but rather relieved, he speaks softly.

"you're right, atsumu-san. i don't know what i'd do once the memories leave me."

with the statement, atsumu smiles softly, and opens his camera, flipping through a few pictures before one shows up, and it's hinata earlier, receiving the ball with one of the biggest smiles on his face, the sun reflecting on him perfectly.

"its as if you were the sun himself." atsumu mumbles, and hinata takes a good look at the picture, his features soft with how he was happy that such a moment that gave him adrenaline was captured so perfectly. maybe he should ask for a copy of it, if atsumu would allow it?

"it's embarrassing considering it's me in the picture, byt you take pictures really well, atsumu-san." hinata chuckles, scratching the back of his head shyly.

"come on, now! you carried the whole picture. you look stunning." atsumu doesn't hesitate with his compliments, and hinata couldn't help it when his face flushed red from his words, but thankfully the heat can pass on as the cause for the rosy color on his cheeks.

"say, hinata." atsumu spoke softly, and he peeks from his hat, trying to cover the shame his face was painted in. hinata hums in response, his eyes on the sand beneath his feet. but the question atsumu has for him made his whole head whip up to face him to the point where if he didn't restrain a little more, he would have broken his neck. his eyes are wide and his mouth is agape, but then a smile forms on his lips, already liking the direction this was taking.

"do you mind making a few memories with me?"

༒︎

it had already been 3 months since atsumu had taken hinata's picture on that day in the beach. the two spent their time as an inseparable pair, to the point where it looked like they didn't even spend a minute without each other. hell, atsumu even started living with shouyou to lessen the burden of his wallet from paying the hotel he stayed in prior to meeting hinata.

from atsumu joining hinata's practices and games as a setter (despite having to adjust due to the unfamiliar texture of the court), to walking around tourist destinations and heading to cafes and restaurants that were either popular or newly opened. on nights they'd hop from bar to bar, drunk as hell while clinging to each other to avoid stumbling around the streets (even if they were already doing so as a weird pair). they made so many memories, and atsumu had made sure to capture each and every one of them all. even when he was playing in the sandy court, he'd ask someone to take some pictures, even if they weren't the best. when he's about to drop dead from his drunkness from challenging hinata to see who can take more shots of tequilas, he'd never fail to whip out his camera and snap a passed out shouyou on the table, not minding if the pictures came out blurry or weird looking.

atsumu didn't mind, as long as all of his days with shouyou were caught in the small, black camera he held in his hand.

hinata sighs and swings his legs around the edge of the bed, the boredom of being stuck at home getting to his head. it was raining hard, meaning no practice or even just going out for a jog or something. he was stuck and he didn't like it one bit. but when his foot accidentally hits someone else's shoulder, and a small whine of pain follows after, maybe being stuck at home wasn't so bad.

"sorry, atsumu-san!" he chuckles and repositions himself so he was laying on his stomach, facing the platinum blonde male as he worked on his laptop, a small pout on his lips from the hit on his shoulder, but it didn't last long when a smile erupted on his face, turning his laptop around to have hinata face the screen.

"shouyou, look at this!" atsumu happily chirps, and his expectant eyes are glued to hinata, making the orange haired male chuckle at the sight before his eyes turned to the screen, an impressed 'woah!' leaving his lips. it was the two of them in one of the beach volleyball matches they participated in, and the picture showed atsumu tossing to hinata, with the spiker up in the air, face so bright that it rivaled the rays of sun that hit his tanned skin. hinata himself couldn't believe that the view of his games looked like that, and it brought him a little ego boost considering how good he looked in the picture.

"this is one of my favorites." atsumu says under his breath with a smile, staring at the picture from the side of the bed. "its pictures like these that make me want to go back in time and relive the moment all over again. the rush to your head to give out the perfect toss for the spiker.. ah, it's so satisfying!" he gleefully throws his arms up and falls back to the soft pillows on the floor, leaving his hand up in the air, covering the light that was beaming down on him.

"would you continue tossing to me then, atsumu-san?" hinata asks under his breath, making sure the blonde male didn't hear him as he spoke in the most quiet tone he could muster. it was silent for a while until a sudden ring of someone's phone shrieked, and atsumu jolted up to grab the device that was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at the caller first. atsumu smiled and told hinata that it was his twin brother calling him, and that it was probably because he missed him or something. atsumu stood up and excused himself to go outside to take the call, hinata's expression filled with slight worry.

sure, atsumu smiled. but why was it a smile that looked so pained, as if something were about to happen to him?

༒︎

it had already been a week since the call happened, and atsumu hasn't spoken up about it.

when he returned back inside after a 3 hour call, atsumu was distressed, as if he suddenly had a ton of thoughts swimming around his head. it was unusual to see, considering atsumu always looked as if he was free from the ideals and order of the world. the tall male would try to hide it every time hinata confronted him about it, and hinata didn't like it one bit.

but he couldn't help it if atsumu didn't want to. it's not like he had the right to. it's not like he had the right to pry into the family matters of him. besides, it seemed like the blonde was under a lot of stress from the call. he started misplacing his things, and would act up for no absolute reason. even the simplest problems couldn't be solved by atsumu unless hinata was there to help him fix his thoughts together. his moods kept shifting to the point where hinata didn't know what to do or make out of what atsumu felt.

hinata wanted to help him, he truly did. but he knew that only time would ease atsumu's sudden change.

but maybe he should have regret saying it once the moment came.

hinata was silent– sitting on his bed with his back pressed against the wall while atsumu was in a similar position, only standing up and on the opposite end of hinata. the tension was thick, and the silence of the two dragged on until atsumu spoke up, repeating what he had said earlier to cause the discomfort around the room.

"i have to go back to japan."

just hearing it pains hinata's heart more. he knew atsumu had to. it wasn't like he was planning on staying here, too. but so suddenly? when he still wanted to make most of his time with someone who he holds dear to his heart?

when he still wanted to spend more time with the man who took three months worth of his time, because his heart started harboring feelings for atsumu miya?

his heart couldn't handle the thought of atsumu not being by his side anymore. three months to him felt like forever. he feels like he's been given so much in such a short moment, and he didn't want it robbed away from him. but what could he do? it was atsumu's family calling him back. he had no power or right against them.

but still... couldn't he be a little selfish and have these feelings of not wanting to let someone he loves go?

hinata feels the weight of his bed sink down beside him, but he doesnt look up from his knees that were huddled up to his chest, trying to protect himself from having a sudden breakdown if he sees atsumu's face.

but when the said person suddenly wraps their arm around you and hold you close to the point where you can feel their shaking breath, how can you hide away?

hinata puts his hand on atsumu's thigh and grips the fabric of his sweats, trying to hold back his tears as he asks when he departs.

"..in three days." the blonde haired male sighs out, his small strokes around hinata's arms giving the orange haired man some comfort, even if it was just a little. it was too soon. too fast. he couldn't believe it. he refused to, but he knew that he had no fighting chance. but even if it was just a tiny ray of hope that was reflecting on hinata's eyes, he asks.

"can't you leave later, please?"

"i can't, shouyou."

so much for hope.

hinata's body shakes, and his tears start flowing out, the droplets falling into his and sometimes down his cheeks. his grip on atsumu's sweats tighten, and his sobs are starting to get louder, echoing around the quiet room as the rain poured outside for the ninth time this week.

"shouyou, you know i love you, don't you?"

the smaller male's crying stops immediately from the sudden confession, and he looks up at the blonde, his eyes filled with confusion and anticipation to what's coming next. did he hear that right, or was he imagining things from his own sadness?

a grunt that sounded shy left atsumu's lips, and he diverts his eyes away once he caught hinata's attention, his cheeks flushed a soft, baby pink color, darkening with each word he spouts. "with how much we've spent together, and how close we are.. i started.. catching feelings for you. i don't know when it happened, but i blame you a lil. so shouyou, please don't be sad, okay?"

hinata couldn't even process what atsumu had said. is he for real? once it had finally registered on his mind, he beams brighter to the point where atsumu forgets it's been raining in brazil for weeks, and hinata leaps into his arms for a hug, burying his face into the blonde haired male's neck.

"atsumu-san! i love you, i love you!" hinata cheers happily, his giggles cutting through the tension the room had earlier. atsumu sighs, relieved that hinata is returning the same feelings, and pats his back softly, closing his eyes to bask himself in the warmth of his sunshine's hold on him.

"when you get back to japan, let's make this official, okay?" atsumu pulls back to look at hinata and puts his pinky out, the childish yet reassuring gesture making hinata bolt out a hearty laugh. he laced his pinky firm into atsumu's, and with bravery, stamped it with both his thumb and a surprise peck to atsumu's lips, smirking once he pulls away.

"it's a promise!"

༒︎

the orange rays of light that were about to set sits perfectly on hinata's skin, the warmth of the sun who was about to rest for today giving him a feeling of euphoria, the wind showing of it's presence to him in a gentle manner. his hair danced along with the leaves that passed by him, the sunset view from the cliff he and atsumu were in with their rented van and neatly set up camp almost felt like a dream.

hinata hears a click of a camera, and when he turns around to see atsumu on his camera that he never lets go, he lets out a hearty laugh, and looks at the camera, giving it a bright smile as atsumu liked it. atsumu grinned and snapped the photo, viewing it immediately to check the quality, and he deemed it perfect.

"come on now, atsumu-san, let's get started!" hinata grabs atsumu's wrist and drags him to their mini camp, laughing his heart out when the blonde male yelped from the shock and force of being pulled.

they did tons of things together. from playing random games to cooking their dinner, which really, only consisted of ready to cook food that only required frying for a quick second or boiling. they shared stories that made them feel a wide range of emotions, from happiness, to feeling pissed off from certain events, to pain and regrets from choices they each made.

once they had finished their time outside in the bonfire, they stayed in their makeshift bed in the back of the van and cuddled each other while watching different kinds of movies, enjoying each other's company more than how they did watching the movies they picked out.

"shouyou, can we watch one of my favorites? it's in a different language, but i have japanese subtitles on so you don't have to worry." atsumu asks, and of course, hinata agrees, watching the tiny screen show the movie titled 'through night and day'.

hinata didn't expect atsumu to be the type to be into romance movies, but when he noticed atsumu actually watching the movie, he decided to stay quiet unlike with the previous movies he watched with him.

the characters were in a similar scenario with them too, in a rented van travelling, the only difference being that the movie was set in iceland, while they were in brazil.

when the movie ended, hinata was in tears, while atsumu was laughing at hinata's reaction despite having tears in his eyes too. hinata whines, punching him in the chest softly. "why did you make me watch that?!" he yells out, and atsumu chuckles and insteads give him a big, tight hug, the shorter male giving into the warmth with a pout.

"shouyou." atsumu calls out, and hinata hums, looking up at him from his chest.

"what if i lose my memory like how jen did?"

hinata is reduced to silence from the question, then he suddenly starts to repeatedly hit atsumu's chest repeatedly, atsumu yelling multiple 'ows!' from each hit.

"don't say that! i absolutely refuse to let you lose your memories!" hinata wails like a child, and atsumu couldn't help but let out a hearty laugh once more, letting out a soft sigh once his little sunshine finally calmed down.

"if it ever happens, will you still stay by my side?" atsumu asks in a quiet, distant voice, closing his eyes.

"you know i would stay with you. even if you no longer remember me, i will still be by your side. even if you forget our love, i'll still be here with you." hinata's tone is sulky, almost as if he were pouting as he spoke, and for the last time, atsumu laughs and holds him as close as he possibly could, burying his face into the soft orange locks he loved so much.

"shouyou, i love you. come back to japan soon, alright? i'll be waiting."

༒︎

it had been 6 months since atsumu bid farewell to hinata in the airport to go back to his home, in the hyogo prefecture located in japan. it had already been so long since he last came home to the point where when he stepped back into his country, he had to call hinata, who was all the way back in brazil because the overwhelming feelings of missing his home suddenly washed over him like a tsunami. he never realized how homesick atsumu was, and talking to him made hinata realize that he, too, wanted to go back quickly.

hinata was happy with how things were going with him and atsumu despite the long distance relationship. even when their schedules and sleeping patterns didn't match up, they never failed to have a 6 hour video call once a day. if they weren't able to, they'd make up for it with an ass ton of texts to the point where even backreading some parts would take a long time with how many messages they send back and forth to each other.

even when they needed each other's warmth but couldn't touch, they still found comfort through the video call sessions they'd have despite the almost 12 hour difference. if hinata went to sleep, atsumu would stay in the call until he woke up and vice versa. they wanted to see each other as much as they could, and hinata was content with how their relationship was going. he was going back to japan in 8 months time since his training sessions were about to reach it's end, so he just had to endure. he can wait.

but everything started crumbling down at the 7th month of their long distance relationship, when atsumu slowly started becoming more distant and cold to hinata.

he didn't know when it started, but the calls started becoming shorter until they barely lasted 3 minutes. the daily good morning texts from atsumu stopped coming to the point where hinata himself had to greet him good morning just for atsumu to remember to send a text. it was as if atsumu was slowly forgetting about him, and he keeps wondering why. did atsumu meet someone new, and is currently starting to see them behind his back?

he was getting anxious. its been days since their last call. why wouldn't he at least tell hinata what was wrong? he didnt know any of atsumu's friends to be able to reach out and ask about him. he feels nothing but anxiety when he calls the blonde while he bites his thumb's nail.

atsumu's phone rings.

once.

twice.

thrice.

and on the fourth ring, he finally picks up.

"hello?" hinata is relieved that the voice is the one he was searching for, and he lets out a big sigh, but then anger soon quickly takes over him, his voice loud and clear once he was able to manage to speak.

"where were you?! don't you know how worried i was when you suddenly stopped calling?" hinata's voice is trembling. he didn't want to fight atsumu, but with how he was acting, he couldn't help it. he didn't know if atsumu was actually hiding something from him since he couldn't face him directly. he sighs again, and sniffles, trying to hold back his tears.

"atsumu, what happened? are you okay? do you want to talk about it? did i perhaps do something to make you upset? please, lets talk it out. i dont want to lose you, atsumu-san.. please." hinata's voice is now desperate. desperate for an answer. he knows atsumu might suddenly be overwhelmed with the barrage of questions, but his emotions couldnt help him hold back. he just wanted assurance that atsumu still loved him. he just–

"i'm sorry.. who is this?"

what?

hinata freezes.

he's sure it was his atsumu miya who picked up the phone. he knows it. he checks the contact number. its the same. the name is typed as "atsumu-san ❤︎". he's sure of it.

but... why?

"atsumu-san, its me, shouyou." he's sobbing at this point. his feelings are all over the place, and it doesn't help that atsumu is being quiet about it. not a sound is even heard from the other line, and hinata buries his face in his hand, the one holding the phone struggling to even stay up. 'this isn't funny, please..' he mumbles under his breath. and then, a soft, familiar voice speaks on the other end with a tone as if the speaker was confused.

"sorry, you probably got the wrong number."

༒︎

it had already been months since that incident. when hinata had regained his thoughts and decided to send atsumu a long text asking what's going on with him, if he needed help, or what would be of their relationship..

he ends up blocked by atsumu.

he couldn't believe it.

he refused to believe it.

he couldn't believe his relationship with atsumu ended through a damn call.

he couldn't even get atsumu's reason for suddenly cutting him off and shutting the door, and it still makes him feel bitter despite how much time has passed since.

hinata lets out a deep breath, and walks out of the airport, stepping once more into japanese land.

he was home.

his family was there to greet him back, and he was so glad they were. if they werent, he'd probably look for a certain platinum blonde haired male that wouldn't even look at his direction now. hinata gives his little sister a head pat, and proceeds to get into a cab with his family, enjoying the ride with his family to at bask in the view of his old home.

stepping into his country made him feel at ease, but memories of a promise back in brazil counter attacks his feelings, and he feels his chest tighten, the smile on his face fading. he blankly stares at the buildings he passes, the sounds around him fading into the background.

he wonders how atsumu is.

he thinks.

is he happy with someone else?

are they out here somewhere, having a date in a cozy cafe or just taking a stroll around the meguro river?

he didn't know, and he wasn't even sure if he wanted to know.

catching up with his family and a few friends were enough to bring hinata comfort from the pain atsumu gave, and he was glad he was surrounded by people who expressed their feelings of missing him while he was away. he felt needed when they would say things along the lines of missing him and how he's grown. he'd tell all kinds of stories about his training in brazil and how insane it was.

but he didn't utter a single word about atsumu.

he didn't want to worry anyone about his failed relationship, and he was ashamed of being dumped through the phone. well, not like it mattered now. it's been months since it happened. no use crying over spilled milk.

hinata shoves his hands in his pockets in attempt to warm himself from the winter cold, and walks into the hospital located in tokyo, making his merry way to the front desk and call for his doctor. it wasn't anything serious, just a monthly check up to see if anything is wrong from his trip to brazil.

the warmth inside the hospital relaxes his body, and he sits in one of the waiting seats in front of his doctor's office, tapping away on his phone to pass some time since there was another patient inside. besides, there were other people waiting too so he had time to spare to get some coffee in the hospital's cafe.

the orange haired male was so immersed in the game that all the other people around him were blocked out, as if they weren't there in hallway with him in the first place. however, that concentration breaks like glass when he hears an all too familiar voice bickering with someone else, and with fear and hope flowing bubbling up inside him, he looks up.

and the person he so desperately wanted to see since they left was there.

passing right by him as if he were a stranger that he'd never see a second time in his life.

hinata stares at him, with tears welling up in his eyes from both relief that he's safe, but also angry over the fact that he was easily cast away like he was just some passing person in his life.

he stands up, and walks towards the taller male, grabbing him by his wrist and turning him around roughly.

atsumu is surprised by the action, and the person beside him warned hinata sternly to let go of him but hinata couldnt be bothered to listen, nor look at them. even when people started whispering, he didn't care. all he cared about was an explanation. he felt the need to know, even if it was selfish.

"atsumu-san, why did you do what you did? i feel like i should at least know why you suddenly threw me out like that." hinata's eyes were glaring at atsumu, yet filled with so much hurt. he knew his anger wouldn't even last, but once he got his answer, he'd leave. he swore.

but why did his heart have to break once more when he heard those painful words atsumu spoke to him the last time they contacted each other?

"who are you?"

atsumu didnt even look like he was lying. he looked genuinely confused, and hinata's grip on his wrist tightened, trying to hold back his tears. he was shaking, and he couldn't even say anything with how speechless atsumu made him. he couldn't believe that the blonde male had the audacity to lie to him after all that and act like he was a stranger.

hinata was about to say something when his own wrist was grabbed and pulled away from atsumu's and his body was turned to face the other person who was with atsumu, and he nearly choked from the shock.

is that another atsumu?

he blinks. ah, he remembers atsumu mentioning that he had a twin brother. they truly looked identical. but the one wearing black clothes and a hat looked pissed. he was gritting his teeth, looking like he was about to burst until his eyes started staring at hinata head to toe. and the brother asks something he didn't expect.

"are you hinata shouyou?"

that brought him to silence. he didn't even know atsumu's brother, and yet he was the one that acknowledge his existence. hell, it was like he was atsumu instead.

"oy, samu, you know em? this is why i hate going out with you, i always get mistaken for you!" atsumu retorts, but he immediately shuts up when his brother or the person he considered a stranger in his life only stayed quiet.

"let me take my brother to his doctor first, lets talk somewhere privately. can you head up to the garden at the rooftop first?" the brother named samu said, keeping his eyes locked on hinata's. hinata stared; it no longer contained the rage he had earlier, but now looked hurt and pained, as if he was about to talk about a topic that pained him.

hinata didn't like where this was going, but agreed anyways, his stomach turning around different places from anxiety. how did atsumu's brother know his name, but not atsumu himself? are they switching bodies or something? he didn't know. he makes his way to the elevator and once he reaches the top floor he steps out, the cold gust of air slapping him in the face as if trying to wake him up from his trance.

it took a solid 20 minutes before the twin brother finally showed up with two large cups from the hospital's cafe in his hands, and hinata was glad the anxiety numbed his feeling of coldness, otherwise he would have left just 5 minutes in.

"sorry, the line was a bit long. the name's osamu, by the way." osamu hands over one cup to hinata, and when he accepts, he walks farther from the bench hinata was sitting on and leans against the rails, taking a sip from his cup while basking in the view of the garden.

now that osamu was finally here, hinata didn't know where to start the conversation. he had so many questions.

what happened?

is atsumu seeing someone else?

how does he know him?

why did atsumu do what he did?

hinata sighs out, his breath visible from the cold. he takes a sip from his cup to warm his cold body up, his eyes glued to the floor and not once looking up at the man who looks exactly like the one he loved yet is so hurt by.

"you do know that tsumu used to play volleyball but stopped because of an accident, right?"

hinata nods.

"well.. the accident wasn't really serious. it was just a fall, but because he hit his head, he was in a semi coma for 4 days." osamu sighs.

"when he woke up... he asked me 'who are you?' and i swear i never wanted to punch something so hard in my life." osamu takes a sip of his coffee, and hinata grips his cup.

"thankfully, it was only temporary and he was able to regain his memories back. he was upset because he wasn't able to join the nationals, but it was fine. he wouldn't be able to play anymore, anyways."

silence.

"and then.. when we went for a checkup, the doctor found something." osamu's voice started to tremble.

"he.. started developing alzheimer's. they said it'd get worse once he reaches his 20s. it was then that he decided he would become a photographer and travel around europe. our parents accepted his wish, and when he graduated, his journey immediately started." osamu stares up at the sky, letting out a sigh to help him hold back his tears.

"his first day in germany was hilarious. he barely knew any english, and he had such a huge culture shock from how they did things there. his main problem, however, was people bringing in their shoes inside houses." osamu laughs at the light hearted memory, a sad smile painting his features.

"it was then 2 years passed by, and he was finally in his last stop, brazil." hinata perks up at the mention of the country, and with built up courage, finally looks at osamu, noting how pained osamu looked as he bit down on his bottom lip to suppress his emotions, sighing loudly to get a hold of himself.

"his first day there and all he spoke about to me was a spiker that apparently smiled brighter than the sun. he always spoke about people all of the people he met in a day, but this spiker was all he ever spoke about that day." hinata's heart clenches at the twin's words, eyes and ears focused on nothing but osamu and his words.

"he.. said he wanted to extend his trip a little more. and so we allowed it as long as he never forgets to take his medication. he always made sure to video call us when he took his medication, just to give us assurance that he's been taking them. but then.. he suddenly didn't call us for it. when we called, and asked him about it, he said 'what medication are you talking about? am i sick or something?' and it was then we knew that he had to go back home, because his medication stopped working on him. we called three days before his departure."

hinata was immediately able to recall that rainy day where atsumu said he needed to go back home to japan. so this was his reason?

"when he came back, we immediately rushed to his doctor to get him his new medication, and thankfully, it worked. however, it stopped working at his 7th month of taking it, and because there were no other medication, we had to wait until today. however, his symptoms started to get worse. sometimes he'd even forget we're twins." a tear runs down at the mention of his own brother forgetting him, and he sniffles, wiping it away with the sleeve of his coat.

"but the reason why i was able to recognize you.. is because atsumu made sure to tell me everything about you. down to the tiniest details. he wanted me to know his memories so that i'd be able find you, and maybe even help him remember you.. because that's how much he refused to let go of your memories together. so whatever happened to the two of you, i'm begging you. please forgive atsumu. everyday he'd try so hard to remember the 'tangerine head volleyball player' as he liked to call you, and when he'd see pictures of you, he'd always say you looked like the sun. when he recalls, he always goes on about how he missed you and wanted to call, but couldn't because apparently you blocked him. i couldn't find your number on tsumu's phone, so i couldn't contact you. did you actually block him, though?" osamu asks, looking at hinata with a blank stare.

"no.. he asked me over the phone who i was, and when i confronted him, he blocked me." he chuckles bitterly, sniffling softly. it was just... too much to handle. he didn't know atsumu was in pain. even if atsumu himself didn't know. "as i thought." osamu sighs, looking down on the floor.

the thought of losing his memories with atsumu hurt him so much. if atsumu was aware, would he be hurt too? just the thought of it..

made him start to sob.

hinata's tears fell into the cup's lid, but he didn't care. all he wanted was for atsumu to be okay. his feelings didn't matter anymore now that he's heard of how atsumu was handling things. he knew it was selfish of him to be angry about it, but who could blame him? he knew nothing of atsumu's condition, and he felt so horrible because of it. had he known sooner, he wouldn't have acted in such a way to bring atsumu in an ubcomfortable spot. he felt stupid.

he puts the cup down beside him on the bench he was sitting on, and crouched low enough so osamu couldn't see his face, his elbows placed on his thighs while his hands were intertwined together in a praying position, knuckles white from the strong grip to hold in his emotions.

osamu couldn't help but let his held back tears fall, too. but he was quiet, save for the occasional sniffling. he looks away from hinata to not let himself get deeper into his emotions, and bites down on his bottom lip, the only sound around the roof being the cold wind and hinata's sobbing.

༒︎

it's been a week since that incident. once the two men got their thoughts together, they exchanged contact numbers, and osamu said that he would try to talk atsumu into talking to him once more, hinata only being able to silently nod since he could barely speak with how much he had to take in from osamu's story.

hinata sneezes into his tissue and sniffles, throwing the used ball into hid trash can that was full of tissues looking the same. he's had the cold for weeks, which was probably due to the fact that he stayed at the roof crying for hours despite the cold. hell, his brain didn't even register the cold until he stepped into his warm home.

he flops into his bed and stares at the white, unlit ceiling, shivering into the blankets. he doesn't know if it was because of his fever, but he felt pretty down. as if he didn't have any purpose for movement or going out. it was a good thing he didn't have any plans, or he'd feel guilty for cancelling them.

he puts his arm over his eyes, and tries to go back to sleep until he hears a ring, and without looking, grabs his phone and answers, putting it up to his ear and speaking in a raspy voice. "hello?"

"...is this hinata shouyou?"

said person bolts up so suddenly to the point where he winces from the action, the dizziness getting to him. he holds his head in his hand, letting one eye stare at his phone, and when he confirms that it is who it is, he calls out to them in a shaky voice, his breaths hot.

"atsumu-san?"

"shouyou, can we meet? i want to apologize.."

is he for real?

hinata nods quietly, but when he realizes atsumu couldn't even see him, he facepalms himself, and breathing slowly to get a grip and talk to atsumu properly.

"sure, when should we meet?"

"how about next week? i'll text you the address. it sounds like you're down with a cold, so make sure to rest properly. make yourself some milk with honey, alright? i know you liked it when i made you them back in brazil when it would rain."

hinata's heart clenches. atsumu made the best milk with honey. the ingredients were easy to find and everyone could do it, but it tastes different when its from atsumu. it felt like it could thaw and warm any coldness from his body, and he smiles sadly, humming to respond.

"shouyou.." atsumu trails off, and once more hinata hums, this time in question, waiting patiently for atsumu stayed quiet. and after what felt like an eternity, atsumu spoke.

"i.. really wanted to keep my memories with you. but everyday, when i try to remember something you and i did together, it's like.. a war that'll never end. i thought looking at my photos with you would at least help, but.. it's like my time with you became someone else's story to tell. i don't want that, shouyou. please.." hinata can hear atsumu sobbing from the other side of the phone, and hinata's tears start running down his face as well, sniffling softly so the blonde male wouldn't hear.

"i may not remember much anymore, but god knows i treasure them more than how much he thinks i do. they may leave my mind, but not my heart. i want to challenge the people up there and prove to them that my time with you wasn't for naught."

hinata is smiling despite the tears, and for the first time in quite a while, too. a genuine smile. "okay, atsumu. i'll be there, okay?" and with that, they bid each other farewell, and hinata is the first to hang up, laying back down on his bed feeling a little lighter than how he felt before the call.

this was a second chance for love, and hinata wasn't going to let this go this time.

༒︎

with hands shoved in his pockets, hinata merrily skips his way to their meeting place near the river, his breath following him from behind. it may have looked weird to others how obviously happy he was, but he didn't care. he could finally spend a day with atsumu in japan, something he had been longing for since they met back in brazil. he wondered where he could take atsumu.

should they go to a ramen shop? maybe bar hop like how they did back in brazil? or should they just take a leisurely stroll around the river? either way, hinata was happy. he was content with just having a day with atsumu. he hopes to have more come. he can wait for atsumu. even if he constantly forgets, hinata will still be here for him.

hinata sat down on a free bench along the river and leaned against it, taking in the view. the river flows quietly, and a few leaves fall from their branches around the different kinds of people walking along the path, as if there was nothing going on with the world with how peaceful the scenery is.

hinata grabs his phone from his pockets and sends a text to atsumu to inform him that he was at the meet up place, shoving it back into his pocket once he was done. he buries his face into his hoodie and waits, looking up at the sky to pass some time.

he waits.

and waits.

and waits.

and just waits.

the sky is dark now, and filled with stars that shine brightly. the air is colder compared to how it was when the sun was still out. atsumu still isn't here. he must have forgotten again. he checks the time on his watch.

it's already 11pm. guess atsumu isn't going to show up soon. he sighs, and stands up, almost stumbling from the sudden movement since he's been sitting for god knows how long. he buries his face into his hoodie and starts to slowly walk back home, feeling like his chances of starting something new with atsumu are crumbling down.

༒︎

"i'm heading out now!" osamu yells from the entrance to inform his parents who were at the living room, then stares at atsumu, who just woke up, in front of him, his blonde hair sticking out in weird places. "don't forget, alright? you're meeting hinata today." osamu reminds him, and atsumu only nods while another yawn breaks from him, the older twin shooing his brother away while mumbling 'take care' loud enough so he can hear.

when osamu closes the door, atsumu stands still for a moment, processing what osamu had said before he left. he was going to meet who? hinata? hinata, hinata...

"shouyou!" he suddenly bursts out, and starts running to the bathroom to make his preparations, taking his jolly time since he had a lot of time to spare before he met with hinata. feeling fresh after his bath, atsumu walks into his room filled with photos from his trips and lays down on his bed, opening his phone and checking the time. he still had time, so he decided to open a new game he had downloaded from his friend, aran's suggestion, wondering what it would have been like.

to say he was interested in the game was an understatement. he was into it deeply. it was like he discovered a new passion for something. it was like he spent the whole day playing it.

wait, the whole day?

atsumu blinks, and sits up from his laying on his stomach position, a gasp escaping him when he looks at the window to see that it's already night time. he didn't even eat the whole day, and he still had his towel around his neck.

towel? didn't he shower this morning? was he supposed to go somewhere today?

atsumu stares at his closet. he checks the time on his phone. its 10pm. he was about to close his phone until he noticed a message that had been there for hours, and he reads it.

once.

twice.

until his eyes widen and he finally realized where he was supposed to be. he quickly puts on whatever was in his closet that would look decent and still match, and ran out his room to the door, quickly putting on his socks and his coat. his parents hear the commotion, and looks towards the entrance, catching atsumu tying his shoes in the porch.

"where are you going at this hour, tsumu?" his mother asks worriedly, and his father only stares, wondering what was up. "i'm going out somewhere, i'll be back soon!" and with that, atsumu stands up and runs out the door, running to the direction of the river park as if his life depended on it. he couldn't believe he forgot it so easily. all because of a game. all because of a fucking game.

atsumu yells at his stupidity for realizing so late that he was supposed to meet with hinata. and osamu reminded him, too. he was pissed at himself. he invited hinata out and yet made him wait. he yells once more. god, it was so stupid. he hated himself for this.

he finally arrives at the intersection where the park is, and despite the fact that there were no cars in sight, he still obeyed the traffic signs, impatiently waiting for it to turn green so he could cross.

please, he begged. please let shouyou be there.

and as if god granted atsumu's wish, he sees a familiar, tangerine colored head across the road, and a sigh of relief leaves atsumu, his mind immediately forming and apology for him.

"shouyou!" he yells from across the street to get his attention, not liking the view of him with his head down, looking sullen. god, it was his fault. he should have added an alarm.

hinata's head whips up at the sound of his name being called out, and when he sees a head of platinum blonde, a smile immediately breaks out on his face, tears welling up around the corners of his eyes. he was happy.

happy that atsumu remembered.

the light finally turned green, and atsumu jogs towards him, and hinata was about to open his arms out for a hug until he sees a bright light rapidly approaching atsumu, and once he realizes the situation, he yells out with his hands stretched, running towards atsumu to try and catch him before he was too late.

"ATSUMU-SAN!"

༒︎

"i'm home!" osamu announces and takes off his shoes, a plastic bag of onigiri in his hand as a gift for his family. he heads to the living room and places the bag on the kotatsu, stretching out his limbs as he spoke.

"is atsumu home yet?"

"what do you mean? he just left." his mother states, grabbing an onigiri from the plastic bag.

osamu froze. what? he just left? what did they mean by that?

"didn't you see atsumu? he ran out a few minutes ago, i thought the both of you would cross ways." his father said, also taking out a piece from the black bag. "why? is there something wrong?"

osamu's gut suddenly started churning, and he hated when he got this feeling. he runs back to the door and frantically puts his shoes on, ignoring the calls of his parents of his name, grabbing his coat again and putting it on, running out of the house frantically.

he grabs his phone from his pocket and quick dials atsumu's number, yelling out in frustration when he gets the message that his phone is turned off. he was thankful atsumu told him where his and hinata's meeting place were, because he'd be a screaming mess if he didn't know where to look. 

he stops in his tracks when he feels something cold touch his cheek, and when he looks up, cold, white particles falling down from the sky.

༒︎

hinata stares at the unconcious body before him. he looks up. it was a green light to cross. the motorcycle that had crashed into him was speeding, and the driver was unconcious as well.

hinata blinks, and stares at atsumu again. theres blood pooling on his head, and he gasps, immediately kneeling in front of the blonde in shock. he stares, and he knows he has to call someone. but when he checks his phone, he realizes it had been drained of its battery, and when he tries to find atsumu's phone, all he got in return was blood stained hands.

he stares at his bloodied hands.

"a-atsumu-san." hinata stutters, and brings atsumu's head up to his lap, gently shaking him awake but to no avail.

"atsumu-san." he tries once more to call him out, but this time louder and clearer, tears hitting atsumu's red stained cheeks.

"ATSUMU-SAN!" he finally screamed out and started bawling into atsumu's crimson splashed platinum hair, holding his cold body closer to him.

hinata was lost. he didn't know what to do. he continues to sob, not even bothering if anyone else saw or heard him. they'd probably think he was being dramatic or something. but with the one you loved bleeding out in your arms, they'd have probably reacted the same.

hinata whimpers, and when he sees drops of white through his tears, he wipes them away and looks up, watching the snow fall down on with such elegance— as if mocking what was happening to them. hinata was about to scream in rage, when he suddenly remembered something atsumu has told him before back in brazil about the first snow.

_"hinata, do you know about the first snowfall?" atsumu suddenly asks, his eyes not leaving his screen as he spoke. hinata is leaning on the other side of the room on his phone, his face buried into his hoodie. he hums and perks up, looking at atsumu with curiosity. "no, i don't. what's it about, atsumu-san?"_

_the said blonde male looks up from his laptop to stare at the other male, giving him a soft smile before resuming his editing work._

_"they say that if you watch the first snowfall with someone you like, you end up with them. and if you watch it with your partner, then you're bound to spend a lifetime together."_

_"ooh, that sounds so romantic." hinata beams with a bright smile on his face, staring at atsumu with hazel eyes filled with so much affection for the other male._

_atsumu looks up at him once more, and this time stands up to sit down in front of his tangerine head, holding his hands in his own before speaking._

_"shouyou, when you go back to japan, watch the first snowfall with me, okay?"_

_hinata is slightly surprised by the sudden confession, but then smiles even brighter than earlier, kissing atsumu a kiss on his forehead before replying enthusiastically._

_"of course!"_

hinata sobs at the memory that was supposed to bring him happiness, but instead gifted him with pain and sadness, his tear filled eyes looking only at the unconscious male before him.

"atsumu-san," he begs pathetically, hating how he was unable to do anything but watch the one he loved suffering. 

"please wake up, atsumu-san! we still have to watch the first snowfall together! please, are you going to break your promise now? ATSUMU-SAN!"

ossmu finally arrives near the intersection, and his heart races when he sees the color orange sticking out like a sore thumb. when he finally gets to the street he crouches to catch his breath, and when he looks up, he sees three things.

a motorcycle and it's knocked out driver.

atsumu laying in hinata's arms.

and blood.

once the three pieces finally come together in osamu's mind, he takes three steps back, and ends up falling on his ass, his hand landing on something cold. he stares at it. it's atsumu's phone, but cracked. guess that explains why.

he looks atsumu, and immediately he crawls towards him, not even bothering about the fact that his pants got dirtied by the blood surrounding them. he stares at his twin's unconcious body, and screams out his name, almost going into a fit of panic but quickly regains himself by calling an ambulance, standing up to asses the situation.

once the call was over and help was confirmed to be on the way, he drops his hand to the side and wipes his face, screaming into the air as he spoke.

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!" osamu is shaking. his hands are gripping his hair, and his eyes are wide and filled with tears, his breath heavy and ragged.

hinata chokes on his tears to answer, and holds atsumu closer to his chest, his hand pressing on the wound in his head to at least try and stop the blood. "t-the motorcycle.. didn't stop even when it was a red light. atsumu-san was.. crossing the road." he sobbed between words, and just knowing what happened made osamu's frustrations grow, making him scream out as a venting mechanism.

it didn't take too long for the ambulance and police to arrive, and once the brothers were inside the white vehicle, hinata stares at it going farther away until it was no longer visible to his eyes, hopping on to the police car to go to the hospital.

༒︎

when hinata arrives at the dark and almost empty waiting area outside the operating room, he tries to catch his breath, scanning his surroundings carefully. once his eyes caught osamu's figure, he calls out to him, and the twin brother whips his head up instantly. hinata approached him with worry in his face, and osamu stands up, with the orange haired male expecting some questions as to what happened but instead, hinata's face was met with osamu's fist, and he stumbles to the floor, shock evident on his face from the sudden action.

he wasn't even given time to think when he was suddenly grabbed by the collar and pinned to the wall, his eyes meeting osamu's owns that were filled with anger, fear, and pain. hinata was speechless. he didn't know what to say. he tries to let some words get out, but instead was pushed into the wall harder, osamu's hold on his collar now choking him.

osamu mumbles something hinata can't comprehend, and he looks confused, but when he starts speaking more clearly, he starts to feel pain and hurt bubbling up inside him.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!" osamu screams at hinata's face, and hinata's eyes widen at the sudden raising of his voice, his mouth agape from the sentence. osamu sniffles and gives hinata another punch at the same cheek he hit earlier, a bleeding cut now evident on the side of the orange haired male's lip.

osamu breathes heavily, and continues.

"IF YOU HADN'T AGREED TO MEET WITH ATSUMU THIS WOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING HAPPENED! DON'T YOU EVEN FEEL ASHAMED ABOUT THIS? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO IF HE DIES?!"

osamu knew he was saying things out of anger, and that once he's calmed down, he'd take back his words. he knew that if atsumu heard him, they'd argue once more that would probably even last months. but his brother was unconcious, receiving surgery and for who knows how long, so he didn't care right now. he had no witnesses, anyways.

"IF YOU HADN'T SEEN ATSUMU HERE WE COULD HAVE LIVED PEACEFULLY! HELL, IF ATSUMU HADN'T MET YOU IN BRAZIL, HE'D STILL HAVE HIS MEMORIES!" osamu's word spat poison, and hinata couldn't do anything about it.

because he accepted it as the truth. he knew it was his fault. if he had refused atsumu on that sunny day in brazil, he'd have his memories of his family back. if he had known this would, he'd never even show up on that day. hinata's hand weakly grips on osamu's wrist, trying to pry him off from his choking hold. thankfully, osamu gets the hint and throws him off to the side, sobbing and screaming into his hands. he walks to the other side, and punches the wall, ignoring the stinging pain on his knuckles.

"IF MY BROTHER NEVER REMEMBERED YOU, HE WOULD HAVE BEEN WITH US AT HOME SAFE INSTEAD OF BEING INSIDE AN OPERATING ROOM HOLDING ON TO HIS LIFE!"

hinata's heart cracks at the thought. if atsumu had forgotten, he wouldn't have been in this mess. he weakly slid down on to the floor and sobbed into his bloodied and dirt stain jeans, his cries and wails along with osamu's sniffling the only sound echoing around the hallway.

osamu sighs heavily, and stares at hinata, spitting out his final poison bullet that strikes his heart fatally.

"if atsumu had never loved you, this never would have happened."

༒︎

hinata couldn't even bear going out right after the accident. he kept himself locked in his room for who knows how long, and wouldn't even go out unless he needed something to eat or just took a shower. thankfully, his family understood why he was acting that way, but knew that they couldn't bring him the comfort he needed, so they made sure to look out for shouyou from afar, making sure they didn't invade his personal space too much.

he sighs into his knees and buries his face into them, leaning against his bed after. he was sitting on the floor in front of his laptop, with pictures of him and atsumu displayed on the screen. he cherished the memories so much. as much as how he wanted to, he'd never let them go.

but if these memories caused the one he loves so much pain, then who needs memories?

he was about to start deleting his treasure until his phone started ringing, and when he looked at the number, it was an unknown one. as much as how he didn't want to entertain it, his feelings kept punching him in the gut to answer it.

after the third ring, he picks it up and slowly brings the phone to his ear, mumbling a 'hello?' in a hoarse voice.

"is this hinata shouyou?"

he jumps at the memory of atsumu saying the same thing, and it takes his all of his power to not suddenly started bawling for who knows how many times today, swallowing the tears back as he replied.

"..yes, this is him. may i please know who this is?"

he hears a sigh from the other end of the line, and when he found out who it was, he immediately jumped out of the floor to stand in shock, running out of his room after the call to shower and get ready.

༒︎

how long has it been since hinata felt the cold of the winter poking on his skin?

he sighs into his scarf and continues to walk towards the place he never knew he'd visit once more, hands shoved deep into his pockets for maximum warmth with the hand warmers he had.

"this is atsumu's mother. can we please meet up and talk?"

he felt fear bubble into the pit of his stomach. she sounded so gentle on the phone, but would she blame him for her son's accident like how osamu did? if she did, he'd be on the floor just to apologize. but he probably wouldn't want to be forgiven in the first place.

he walks around the hallways until he sees a woman that resembles the one he loved so much, and it was pretty obvious by now that she was atsumu's mother. she was sitting on an empty row of chairs, and when she sees him, she calls him over with a motherly smile on her face, his heart aching at the sight of such.

he makes his way to her, and sits down beside her quietly, his freezing hands now on his lap to bask in the warmth of the hospital's heater. it was silent for a moment, with hinata looking down at the floor unable to face the mother of the man he loves, but when she grabs his hand in a way that resembles his mother's own touch, he looks up at her to be greeted with a smile filled with the same love his mother had for him. he starts to feel tears build up from her expression, and looks away once again, sniffling away to stop the waterfall from coming.

she chuckles at the sight of him and softly pats the back of his hand, her smile not once faltering. "you finally looked at me. you look exactly like how you did in tsumu's photos, but.. you're missing that smile tsumu always called as 'the sun'." hinata's cheeks flush red from her words, the thought of atsumu showing his pictures from brazil embarrassing him.

he flinches when she suddenly hears a laugh coming from her, and his face turns three shades darker, his other hand that wasn't being held by hers moving up to cover his face, which was futile as it only made her laugh harder, a sigh leaving her lips once she finally calmed down.

"ah, you're just as cute as tsumu says you are. such a lovely boy." she strokes the back of his hand gently, her grip on him tightening. "he still hasn't woken up yet, but since no one is around, let me tell you a secret.." she whispers softly, as if she was about to tell a story to a child, hinata leaning in closer so he could hear her, but pryed away when she giggled at his actions. it made him feel embarrassed, but who could blame him? his curiosity got the better of him. and finally, she speaks.

"tsumu always spoke about you. you were the only thing that was on his mind when he landed back here in japan. when his condition started turning in for the worse, he looked especially happy when he would recall a memory with you and would be so eager to share it with us. you brought him happiness in his life, and i can't thank you enough for that."

lies. hinata bites down on his bottom lip, wanting to let her hand go and take out his frustrations by blaming himself, but the comfort of her hand on his.. he just couldn't. with great difficulty, he manages to reply.

"but.. if atsumu-san had never met me, he wouldn't have been in this situation. he'd had never gotten into an accident like this.. if i hadn't agreed to meet up-" his tears unconciously start to fall, and his voice cracks and renders him unable to continue to speak. but before he could even wipe the water fall of his eyes away, a warm hand touches his cheek and his face is turned towards the mother, her thumb swiping away the tears he shed. but despite her comforting actions, she was shedding tears of her own, too. her gesture left him speechless, and with a pained smile, opens her mouth to speak.

"when tsumu loves, he loves. he'd do anything just for him to be able to see someone he cares for so deeply, even if he ends up getting hurt by it. once his heart is set on something, he will find ways to make things work. he will always be there for you, even if his memories no longer have you in them. he'd go through lengths just to remember something from you, and he will make sure to bring them back, down to the last drop." she sniffles, and wipes her tears with the back of her hand before proceeding.

"shouyou-kun," she starts off lovingly, wiping his tears away with one hand, while the other strokes the back of his hand with her thumb.

"its not your fault, and it will never be."

just hearing those words was enough for hinata to bring his walls down, and as quietly as he possibly could, he sobs, his head down as he spouted strings of apologies to atsumu's mother.

she sniffles and brings him to her chest, giving his back gentle pats while whispering words of comfort despite crying herself.

hinata knew then and there that he wanted to make things right, instead of running away.

༒︎

after the conversation with atsumu's mother, who he now calls his aunt, hinata finally started going out once more to visit atsumu. this was his third visit, and he sat on the chair beside the hospital bed, quietly peeling away at an apple and subconciously shaping them into a bunny, since natsu loved her apples sliced into different kinds of shapes. 

he nearly drops his knife, however, when he hears a low grunt of pain coming from the bed, and his focus all goes on atsumu who had finally opened his eyes, his dark brown orbs staring at the ceiling quietly.

"atsumu-san?" hinata calls out, and when atsumu looks towards him after a few seconds of silence, he exhales once he realized he was holding his breath, relief washing over him once he was able to confirm that atsumu was awake. he was glad osamu wasn't here considering the fight they had, but no one else other than him was there in the room since aunt left to the grocery to buy some snacks for the room.

hinata smiles at atsumu and gently pats his head, his gaze filled with endearment for the blonde. "how are you feeling?" he asks in a soft tone as to not overwhelm the blonde with so many questions.

but it was atsumu's reply that stabbed him back into reality, the pain of it coursing through his whole body.

"who are you?"

silence falls on hinata.

he bites his lips. how many times does he have to go through such pain to be able to get used to it? how was he going to stay by atsumu's side if just this hurts him to the brink of insanity? he sighs heavily, but looks back up at atsumu with a smile he deemed was bright enough to rival the sun, as his partner loved to describe it, hiding under his mask of pain.

"it doesn't matter, dont worry." atsumu stares at him, and smiles softly, looking around the room. "are you a nurse here? ah, but you're not in your uniform. why am i here, though? did something happen?"

hinata swallows.

"ah, you got into an accident and hit your head. how are you feeling?" his voice shakes, but he immediately tries to cover it up by talking faster, thankful atsumu wasn't in a state to really concentrate on his actions.

atsumu grunts, and tries to sit up, but hinata is quicker and helps him up, a bashful smile on his face once he's up. "i'm feeling alright," atsumu laughs, wincing slightly from a sudden throb in his head before continuing. "have you seen my mother?"

hinata checks his phone for the time, and when he sees a text from atsumu's mother that she was already making her way back, he smiles towards the other male, and stands up, neatly placing the apple slices in the hospital table and bringing it in front of atsumu. "she said she's coming back, so i'll be taking my leave now. please don't do anything reckless." hinata reminds, and packs up his things, making sure not to leave anything behind.

atsumu grabs an apple bunny and chews on it, humming at the sweet taste of the fruit before waving towards hinata, his cheeks puffed from his chewing.

"mhm, bye bye, shouyou!"

hinata feels a stab in his heart, and with a nod, exits the room, not looking back to avoid letting his emotions get the better of him.

atsumu sits in the quiet room, and looks up at the ceiling, thinking to himself out loud about what he had just called the other male.

"shouyou? why does that name sound so familiar?"

༒︎

it's been a few days since hinata's last visit, and thankfully, atsumu's recovery was going well. he was apparently going to get discharged once the bandages on his head were off, and when his leg healed, but they still don't know how long it'll take. hinata was thankful he had the twin's mother's number, or he would have an inner battle of deciding on whether to go to the hospital or not.

hinata types on his laptop fast, but gets distracted when his phone rings, and without looking at the caller, he picks up, bringing the phone between his shoulder and ear.

"hello? who is this?"

"its osamu."

hinata nearly drops the phone from the shock. he sits up and stutters, sweating starting to form on his forehead from the nervousness.

"o-osamu-san."

"come to the hospital roof. i'll be waiting."

"w-wait-!" before hinata could even ask what was going on, osamu hangs up, and he stares at his phone with confusion written on his face, before osamu's statement, which felt more like an order, registered into his head. he immediately stands up to bolt and take a quick shower, throwing on a fresh set of clothes and bolting out of his home.

once he's finally on the subway, he realizes how everyone in the miya family seems to like surprising him through his calls, and he couldn't help but chuckle at the thought, the tension on his shoulders calming down as he got off once he reached his stop, walking towards the direction where the hospital was as if he were going to school.

when he got inside, a nurse he knew from atsumu's floor greeted him, and he smiled, speed walking towards the elevator considering how he's kind of running late now. and when he steps out of the elevator and walks into the cold, freezing garden, osamu is there in the bench with a cigarette in his hand, not noticing hinata's presence until he was in front of him.

but osamu didn't look at him once, and just quietly tapped the spot beside him, hinata thankfully getting the hint. he dusts off the snow off the spot, and sits down, looking at the view of the garden that was covered in snow.

"tsumu's.." osamu suddenly starts off, taking a puff off his nearly finished cig. "condition started getting worse. he didn't know what he looked like, and he didn't even recognize us when he first saw us. when he called out my name for something, i thought he'd have regained them back. but then he asks me 'whos samu?'"

osamu's deep voice was laced with pain and sadness, and he presses the cigarette on the ash tray beside him, sighing with so much tiredness in it. as if he was sick of it.

"hinata.. i'm sorry i blamed you. it wasn't your fault. if tsumu knew that i had blamed you for his accident, i would have never even heard the end of it." osamu spoke, his voice trembling as he buried his face in his hands, knees standing up on his thighs as he continued.

"i guess it was just me not wanting to blame myself.. if i had come home sooner, i would have been able to accompany him in meeting you. i could have watched over him while you two spoke, but.. i didn't make it in time. when mother had told me that atsumu left just minutes before i came home, i was so scared. that idiot would do anything just to meet you, so if something happened to him.."

osamu is sobbing by now, and his cries are the only sounds that could be heard around the garden.

"i don't think i'd be able to live without tsumu."

he bawls into his hand, finally releasing all of the pain he had been holding back ever since atsumu got out of the operating room. his built up tears flowed down freely, and little by little, osamu felt the heavy weight on his shoulders lift up.

osamu feels hinata's presence beside him disappear, and when he looks up to check, he sees the orange haired male in front of him. he was expecting some type of violence against him, whether it be a punch or a kick, but what he didn't expect was the sudden warmth and weight of being embraced, and osamu never realizes that it was all he needed for comfort.

suddenly, he's sobbing harder than before, and both his hands wrap around hinata's frame, his tears drenching the shoulder area of hinata's winter coat. but hinata didn't mind at all. the orange haired male bites down his lip from letting out any sound that would give away the fact that he too, was crying, and to distract himself, he gives osamu's wide back slow, and gentle strokes and occasional pats, finding comfort in the cold winter air surrounding them.

༒︎

after a good crying session up in the garden, they're finally down back in atsumu's room, and when hinata and osamu walked in with puffy eyes, nozomi drops the knife she was using to slice apples, and immediately walks towards the two men, caressing their cheek softly in worry that they had fought again. but when osamu said he had apologized instead, she sighs in relief, and ushers the two to get inside, handing them a plate of apple slices she had already cut.

atsumu looks up at hinata, and in the most quiet voice he could muster, asks his dad, who was beside him, who he was. his father smiles and gives him a comforting pat on his knee, speaking in the same volume atsumu did. "that's the one you said that smiled like the sun in brazil."

atsumu stares up the ceiling blankly as if trying to remember something, and lets out a loud sound as if he did, shocking almost everyone in the room with the sudden outburst. osamu coughs from choking on the apples he had stuffed in his face, punching on his chest to get the stuck feeling out.

"what is it, tsumu?" nozomi asks, and atsumu smiles at her brightly, wiggling around the bed as if he was a toddler wanting to tell his parents about something cool he saw.

"i was a photographer, right? can i see the photos i took? please?" his eyes were shining like stars, and he looked so determined, and nozomi looks over hinata and osamu, staying quiet as her face already said what needed to be said. osamu nods, and starts to walk out of the room, dragging hinata along with him, who was whining to have osamu let go.

the walk to the miya's house was rather short, but it felt longer considering how much they spoke and bonded about different things, most were about stupid things atsumu or osamu had done.

osamu opens the lock to their door, and they both give out their greetings, starting to take off their shoes. but before osamu could remove his, he gets a call, and when he answers and says a few "sure, yeah, okay." he sighs and ends the call, opening the door. 

"hinata, i have to go to my shop since an emergency happened. our room is at the left side, and his photos are in his desk, you'll know which one is his. here are the keys. make sure you get all of the photos in sight." osamu tosses them to the air, and hinata swiftly catches it, waving to osamu who left while wishing him a safe trip. hinata stands up from the entrance, and gives the house a good scan, walking towards the room. he grabs at the doorknob, and sighs before twisting it, pushing the door open.

the room was... oddly normal. there werent any posters hanging up, nor were there anything displayed in the shelves aside from a few books and mangas. what did hinata even expect? he lets out a small exhale and looks to the right side of the room, seeing a rather empty desk. seeing as there was nothing he thought that belonged to atsumu, he turns his back to the other desk behind him that he didn't spare a glance at earlier, and what greeted him shocked him so bad he froze in his place.

there, in a corkboard, were pictures of him and atsumu back in brazil. each picture had a sticky note underneath or beside it, and in the middle of the corkboard, was his name written boldly. slowly, he walked towards the desk, and once he was in front of the wooden furniture, he takes his time in reading each sticky note that was beside a picture, his emotions welling up at each memory that atsumu had written down perfectly.

he couldn't believe atsumu actually put this much effort into trying to remember hinata. he finds the picture of him atsumu took when they spent their last day together at the cliff. there, his smile was bright, and the orange sunlight framed his face almost perfectly. he looked.. happy.

he still remembers atsumu's loving gaze back then. how he slowly dropped his camera to give him a smile filled with all of the love and affection the universe could offer. he looks at the sticky note below it, and reads it slowly to take in each and every word.

_this is my last day with shouyou here in brazil. we watched through night and day together, and when i thought of what would happen to me once i went back to japan, i got scared. what if my condition gets worse, just like how jen's did? i don't want to forget shouyou. i love him so much, i absolutely refuse to forget him. please, let my memories stay until he's here. i don't want to live my life knowing that i have found someone who i want to spend a lifetime with, yet not even being able to remember his name or face._

the weight of atsumu's words come crashing down on him, and he finally understands why atsumu became a photographer. he sobs, the sound of his pain and sadness echoing throughout the empty house.

༒︎

just how much has hinata cried today?

his eyes were swollen as if he had been crying for hours, which he actually was. his crying session took him way longer than how he expected, and when he saw the time when he barely recovered, he jolted out of his sad state, immediately packing all of the photos into a box that hinata saw beside atsumu's bed.

nozomi had texted hinata that she and her husband would be going out for a bit, and osamu was still handling things in his shop, which left him to stay with atsumu alone, and that was the last thing he wanted right after bawling his eyes out to the said man.

with the box in one hand, he opens the door to atsumu's room, and catches the blonde looking at the orange sunlight that illuminated his room, his expression calm and collected, as if he was never hurt in the first place.

hinata stays quiet seeing as atsumu didn't notice him enter, but when hinata sets the box down on the desk beside the bed, atsumu turns his head towards the sound, and when he sees hinata's face, he smiles. 

"are you osamu's friend?" he asks, but before hinata can even answer with a pained voice from his question, a gasp of glee is heard from atsumu, and he grabs the box filled with all of the photos he took when he was in europe, flipping through each and one of them carefully.

"woah, i've been to so many places!" he states happily, and hinata forgets the pain from earlier, grabbing a chair and sitting down beside the bed. "hm, you went all across europe. apparently, it took you two years. you're so cool, atsumu-san."

atsumu grins at the compliment with a chuckle, proceeding to bond with hinata with the pictures. occasionally, atsumu would remember a few places he has been to, and each memory atsumu recalled, hinata was there to listen to it, even if he's probably heard of it before back in brazil.

by now, the sunset is at it's peak. the hospital room is decorated in the orange light of the sun, and hinata stares at atsumu, the light framing his pale face perfectly. this time together with atsumu made him forget that atsumu didn't remember him, but when the blonde reaches deep into the box to pull out the pictures hinata had purposefully buried in the deepest parts of the box, his heart clenches, biting down on his bottom lip.

atsumu stares at the oddly familiar picture, his eyebrows scrunched in concentration.

it was a picture of a person receiving a volleyball with the biggest smile on his face. he couldn't recall anything at all relating to the picture, no matter how hard he tried to remember. but he knew that this picture was important.

and so, he digs back into the box, and pulls out another photo.

it's the same person. but this time, they're looking at the camera. the person's smile felt so familiar to atsumu. as if.. it was something he was so fond of. their orange hair was even more orange than the light of the sunset in the picture, and he couldn't help but think that the person's hair was like a tangerine.

"who's this?" he asks to himself, but hinata heard it anyways, staying quiet. he refused to cry again. he had no more tears left.

but hinata felt himself die a little inside when atsumu continued to speak.

"his smile is brighter than the sun's."

**Author's Note:**

> atsumu-san, 
> 
> no matter how much you forget, i will never leave your side. on that summer day in brazil, i had decided that i would accept your offer and make memories with you. and even if those memories will fade away quicker than how much you and i want it to, i wont stop. i will continue to spend my days with you, even if you forget my name the moment after. but when the time comes that you will no longer even recognize me even if people remind you of who i am, your memories with me will stay through the various photographs you have taken from our time together. i'll keep them all beside me and relive every single one of them with you— for you. atsumu-san, you may read this but wont remember why i'm doing it, but please know. please know that i love you so much. our time together was the best thing that ever happened in my life. lets go out to and have a date in disneyland once your leg is all better. lets have ramen right after, too. please dont forget to bring your camera. lets store our memories into it so we both dont forget about the times we have spent together. i already lost a part of you, i don't want to lose these too.
> 
> shouyou.


End file.
